Bonsoir a tous,
I apologize profusely for not posting yesterday, I came home pretty late and didn’t realize when I had knocked out sleeping.
I was thinking about what to write today and the words wouldn’t flow. I felt some sort of block. ( writer’s block/ writer’s doubt) Most of the time writing comes to me pretty naturally. I have a story I want to share and I do. Before starting this blog I had stacks of notebooks filled with tiny blurbs. Monologues, plays, diary entries, it would be a melange of things. Whatever I was feeling, I would express it, I wouldn’t censor myself. Sometimes I feel like I should censor myself. Even contemplating about the fact that I feel I should censor myself caused me to want to edit myself and that statement. “People don’t want to read that.” And the little voice appears. That little voice that knows when you have an inch of doubt, It could be about anything, writing, a decision. The little voice convinces us not to trust ourselves. And sometimes we believe it. It came from within, it must be right. It’s not. Not always. I believe in listening to our intuition, I think that doesn’t lead us astray. Our intuition would tell us to trust that although things may seem scary, to trust that we will be taken care of. We are works in progress; I used to be focused on the next 3 steps. What will happen next, I wasn’t focusing on what happened in front of me. I remembered the past but wanted to live in the future, that future where everything would finally be settled. What I failed to realize is that we are constantly in motion.
It actually hit me, I learned the lesson when I was in Italy. I was in Calabria, the streets were filled with graffiti. The people each on their individual journeys some walked alone, other in pairs; I watched them until I noticed something spray painted in Italian. The wall read:
“Saro solo un treno in transito”
I came to find out that it meant. I will only be a train in motion.
In motion, In transition, In progress, in the process of.
I see a train. I see it glide before my eyes. I watch it pass me by. I feel the wind gently caress my face. A smile takes over. Then I realize I’m that train. I’m on a constant journey. The little voice forgets that, it wants us to doubt ourselves, to doubt our potential. However big or small when we fail to be honest with ourselves, we relinquish a little control to the voice that will have us doubt ourselves for life. Nothing will ever be enough for the little voice. When you think about it, the end result of anything is a fleeting moment. The middle, one foot in front of the other, that’s the exciting part, because there’s still so much more ahead and it could be anything, we could make it anything.
Today, I choose to dream, to be happy, right now. Writing, listening to music, be-ing.
Today I choose to be.
A la prochaine,
De moi pour toi