Tag Archives: Philosophy

Saro solo un treno in transito and what that means to me

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Bonsoir a tous,

I apologize profusely for not posting yesterday, I came home pretty late and didn’t realize when I had knocked out sleeping.

I was thinking about what to write today and the words wouldn’t flow. I felt some sort of block. ( writer’s block/ writer’s doubt) Most of the time writing comes to me pretty naturally. I have a story I want to share and I do. Before starting this blog I had stacks of notebooks filled with tiny blurbs. Monologues, plays, diary entries, it would be a melange of things. Whatever I was feeling, I would express it, I wouldn’t censor myself. Sometimes I feel like I should censor myself. Even contemplating about the fact that I feel I should censor myself caused me to want to edit myself and that statement. “People don’t want to read that.” And the little voice appears. That little voice that knows when you have an inch of doubt, It could be about anything, writing, a decision. The little voice convinces us not to trust ourselves. And sometimes we believe it. It came from within, it must be right. It’s not. Not always. I believe in listening to our intuition, I think that doesn’t lead us astray. Our intuition would tell us to trust that although things may seem scary, to trust that we will be taken care of. We are works in progress; I used to be focused on the next 3 steps. What will happen next, I wasn’t focusing on what happened in front of me. I remembered the past but wanted to live in the future, that future where everything would finally be settled. What I failed to realize is that we are constantly in motion.

It actually hit me, I learned the lesson when I was in Italy. I was in Calabria, the streets were filled with graffiti. The people each on their individual journeys some walked alone, other in pairs; I watched them until I noticed something spray painted in Italian.  The wall read:

“Saro solo un treno in transito”

I came to find out that it meant. I will only be a train in motion.

In motion, In transition, In progress, in the process of.

I see a train. I see it glide before my eyes. I watch it pass me by. I feel the wind gently caress my face. A smile takes over. Then I realize I’m that train. I’m on a constant journey. The little voice forgets that, it wants us to doubt ourselves, to doubt our potential. However big or small when we fail to be honest with ourselves, we relinquish a little control to the voice that will have us doubt ourselves for life. Nothing will ever be enough for the little voice. When you think about it, the end result of anything is a fleeting moment. The middle, one foot in front of the other, that’s the exciting part, because there’s still so much more ahead and it could be anything, we could make it anything.

Today, I choose to dream, to be happy, right now. Writing, listening to music, be-ing.

Today I choose to be.

A la prochaine,

De moi pour toi

Reflections

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Have you ever wondered about the people in your life? The people you see everyday. They walk by you with headphones in ears, with phones in their hands. They walk by you and look away. What about the people on the bus? In the bus you ride every morning? In the bus leaving the station, all those people who you’ve missed. Those people who are literally going in another direction. Do you ever wonder about them? What about that bus you ran for and missed? Was that on purpose? Were you meant to get on another bus, another track, another path? Do you ever think about timing? Life’s way of telling you that it has a plan for you, that everything has been building to this particular moment, this encounter, this meeting, these people, this change in direction. Perhaps we need to feel lost, out of our comfort zone in order to come back to ourselves.  Is it in adversity that we come to know ourselves best, to understand our nature as individual human beings? In order to learn something we may have lost, to know ourselves better, to accept ourselves, to love ourselves.

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Update: Today I woke up at 5:00am. Thankfully I’ve been “training” myself to do so. 7:30 one day 6:30 another and today 5:00am. Changing my alarm also helped, before I had piano to wake up because I argued that I didn’t want to be “startled awake”. I think that put me sleep quicker, and under warm blankets, you know the feeling i’m sure.  So from the Doctor Who theme song (Thankfully I didn’t wake up to a dalek) To Zen piano, I’ve found a happy medium (for now) The song Kids by MGMT. You see,  the beginning  sounds like when my niece and nephew  are running around the house and in that respect I’m up quickly to make sure they don’t get hurt.

Et voila. Day 2. Bring it. At 5:00 am =)

A la prochaine,

De moi pour toi

Lao Tzu on Love

Usually I’m not a morning person, but this morning…

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Bonsoir tout le monde,

Let me tell you a little story or rather rant just a tad bit. It will be over before you know it. I was looking for Lunch in Paris this morning and could not find it for the life of me, I went through a mental list of  where I could have left it and in the process found instead the make-up bag I lost a week ago. Something so mundane hit me like a ton of bricks. You know when you are looking for something but instead you find something else? It’s a frustrating feeling but finding something especially something you weren’t expecting to find is a relief.

Why am I telling this story?

I got on the bus and still thought about my book, but then I got on the subway and I couldn’t tell you how I got to thinking deeper. It could have been triggered by a song I was listening to. I could have been watching people on the subway, I could have continued to subconciously think about where my book was. But at some point in my commute to work I thought about all the things in our daily lives we passionately look for and how we often, find something else. Then I started to question more, I questioned whether we are able to recognize that which we find as we find it or whether we realize it when and if we look back? Do we go in search of something only to find something else?

Then, at that point or at some point, I thought about where this whole train of thought started.

I was looking for my book to read on the bus.

Has something like this ever happened to you?

A la prochaine,

De moi pour toi

Friends are like flowers, or in my case she’s a clumsy, christmas caroling, Italian

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Bonsoir tout le monde,

I think that people come into your life for a reason. Sometimes people enter your life for a brief moment.  I like to think of these people as those who are meant to show you something, they bring a lesson.These people walk along your path, but every path always has twists and turns, they have crosswalks. When you have learned the lessons they have taught you and you have taught them some lessons they continue along thier path and you continue along yours.

Then there are those who when you first meet them, there’s an instant connection. These people feel like old souls, as if you’ve met before or there’s a feeling of significance, you can’t describe it or explain it for that matter.  But you get the feeling that they will be around for a long time.

I’ve always wondered how people can  have friends they’ve known since kindergarden, or maintain friendships with people who live overseas. This thought has always baffled me, until recently, or rather today.

Today I spent the day with my best friend, I never have friends over because there’s not really much to do at my place and my area isn’t exciting.There’s really nothing to do. Usually i’ll meet people downtown, we’ll grab coffee, a drink, maybe catch a movie, go to theatre. It’s always an adventure i’ll tell you that much.

When I think back we didn’t do anything uber exciting.  We stayed at my place, shared a meal, watched some movies, and took a trip down memory lane. I remember the first day we met, it was at a young artist group. You know that feeling when your in a room full of people you don’t know and are meeting for the first time. It feels awkward, tense. You don’t know whether to introduce yourself or to wait till the icebreaker happens.

She was sitting on her own, and I don’t know how to explain it but I was curious about her. I waited till we went around the group and introduced ourselves, at the end of the session I went up to her and asked her if she was hispanic because her name sounded hispanic and she answered no i’m Italian but I get hispanic a lot.

6 years later, she’s sitting on my couch watching grown ups and has just given me a painting of a street that we walked along in Nice. Its funny because those years have flown by.

Our friendship grows a little more as each day goes by.

I am happy and honoured to have her in my life.

And suddenly, I understand how people can be friends for a lifetime, it takes work, but it doesn’t feel like work when your having fun.

A la prochaine,

De moi, pour toi

Some observations on solitude and life, Ramblings, really

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Bonsoir lovely people!

Today was a day full of observations, fleeting moments of inspiration. It felt like everything i saw I wanted to write about or comment about. I thought about how awesome it would be to share it with you, then the little voice happened.

You know that little voice.

The one that comes in and says well maybe they don’t want to hear about it. It’s boring. It’s everyday life. Who wants to read about that?

Or it says,  too many ideas just focus on one, that way you could flesh what you want to say in detail.

Then, I dont know about you, but I get anxious.

All of a sudden I don’t know what  to write, the little voice has a comment on everything i’m thinking of.

Did I mention this was happening on the bus?

I was sitting in absolute silence, in a bus full of strangers and it felt like they weren’t there.

I mean, I actually forgot they were there.

Everyone was either listening to music, reading a book, or texting.

We were all on that bus together yet we were all alone, no one interacted.

I find it so strange and so normal all at the same time.

I mean, who doesn’t like listening to their favourite tunes on the way to work or being caught up in the latest twist and turns of an awesome book or catching up with a friend via text?

Then I start to think about humanity all together and I get anxious again.

But finally there’s something about movement and solitude where now the little voice is telling you something rather than suggesting crap that makes you feel bad.

I realized:

Sometimes you have to a learn a lesson a few times in order to really understand it. As if the lesson has layers. And when you do understand the lesson you realize there’s still another way to understand it. That, in itself is another lesson.

I realized and understood that what you are most ” authentic” when you think no one is looking.

I’d like to share a picture with you. It was taken a few years back when I was part a youth theatre program. Looking at it today, I have no idea what I was thinking or feeling in that moment. To me, the picture can speak for itself.

And i’m happy with that.

Take that, little voice!

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A la prochaine,

De moi, pour toi